Hello everyone, this post will be kinda long (to warn some of you who might not be ready to read a whole chapter). But if you are warriors, and interested of course… there is a questionnaire that answered from the website LDR magazine and I am telling our lovely story! There is also other questions about LDR in general. Here we gooooo :
How did you meet & how long has your relationship been LDR?
Bruno and I were both temporary living in British Columbia, Canada. He was studying abroad for one year and I was doing an Internship for my master program. We both ended up working at the same place under the same supervisor for the whole summer. I arrive at the office 1 week before him. On his first day our supervisor introduced us. I think we can both say that it was love at first sight. I was already interested in him when we first shook hands. He was that good looking, mysterious, Asian guy that I knew I needed to know better. At that time I knew I was only staying for 6 weeks but I didn’t really care. The first day I went to ask him right away to have lunch with me since we were both working on similar things (job excuse to talk to him). He accepted, but couldn’t make it. When I came back to the office he excused himself but I told him that there was still tomorrow. *Bruno told me that I caught his attention at this moment.* Two days later he finally came to find me after I finished eating, and that’s when everything started. We talked for a good hour and I invited him to spend the evening with me. Since we already found common interest in photography, he proposed to visit a bit more of the city and make some photos. I accepted. We had a wonderful night, talking non-stop. One week quickly disappear while we were always having lunch together and doing tons of activities, festivals, bars, restaurants, movies, ice cream and sunset… those were all “dates looking”. At night we were still talking on our cellphones or Facebook. We were both interested, but yet knowing that he would return to Brazil and me to my hometown. The next week, in the most romantic way possible, the first kiss happened. It was right on top of a hill with a beautiful view on the water. Bruno kissed me first, just like a gentleman would do, but he told me later that I actually ruined his first plan… haha! He was suppose to join me at my house to take a walk that day. He wanted to ring at the door, wait for me to open it and then kiss me right away… But I was waiting for him outside, ready to take a walk. He was so surprise that the plan failed.
Since we are both committed person we decided to be in a relationship and not only in an “summer love” state. By the end of my internship, I made a derogation and asked to stay 4 weeks more because I couldn’t leave him. By the end of our 3 months together, when we needed to go back, we took the hard decision to try our best to stay together. Since, it’s been 15 happy months!
How has being long distance shaped your relationship?
I think that the long distance helped us to shape a unique relationship. We are good friends before anything. We always say that your lover needs to be your best friend to have a wonderful relationship, and I approve. As a couple we have strong communication skills and we trust each other 110%. When I think about it, it may be because I am with the good person, but I totally changed how I invest myself towards my boyfriend since I am with Bruno. I want to be a better person to him, I want him to trust me, I want him to know how much I care even thought I am not around, even though I can’t be near. On his side, he’s always attentive, and he always care so much about me. I think that all those little things are creating a healthy relationship. I was already a creative person before I met Bruno, but being in a LDR helps me exploit this field. For Bruno, he was naturally less creative, but he is developing well this side. So if you take a look at this, we are both improving our skills in our daily life because of the distance! But, in the end, even though distance might have helped on those fields, I think that we will still do all of those things the day we close the distance.
What are the obstacles you face being LDR & how do you overcome them?
Of course we are students and money is not something that grows on trees, and we are living quite far… Plane tickets are not cheap, traveling is not cheap, so well… it means sacrifices to get money, sacrifices from our work time, short visits, and long months waiting. I know we are not alone, but god sometimes it is hard. When you’re having bad moments and you wish so hard that your significant other would be right next to you to hug you… That is frustrating. From my point of view, I think that sometimes we need to keep in mind that this is our reality. This is sad, this is frustrating, and yes it is OK to be upset about it. Sometimes there is nothing that can help me besides living my frustrations. On another hand, we were lucky not to have disapproving towards our relationship. The biggest issue that we have is mainly money and missing each other a lot.
How I deal with the money issue is kind of simple, it just takes time and patience. With the tiny money that I make out of my master, I am doing an automatic transfer from my normal bank account to an “I will not touch this money only, and only if it is for buying a plane ticket” account. The money is transferring every week, so I don’t need to think about it, and since the money is not visible in my regular account, I don’t have the impression that I can use that money for something else. With time, money piles up, and with good timing and cheap flights ticket we can get there. So… every 6 months or so, Bruno and I are able to see each other! Right now we were able to alternate our visits. He came first, and then I went second. But next time, I think we will meet somewhere in between.
In order to reduce the distance, we sometimes send gifts to each other, but mainly post cards. This helps a lot feeling closer.
What are the things you love about being in an LDR?
I love to be independent, but still being in a loving and caring relationship. I love to stay home alone, and do my own stuff like drawing and listening to my music. I like to be in a tiny bubble of creativity. He likes to play video games, and meditate. Being in a LDR allows us to do that if we want to. On another hand, we think that we were able to develop or “other senses” with this LDR. We love the fact that we know each other a lot, and that we can have long and complete conversations. We know each other very well since what we can mainly do is talking. We like the fact that we were able to construct projects together like our blog. LDR allowed me to create and I love that! So yeah, we transformed our constraints in a well of ideas instead.
Of course, the fact that we are in a in an intercultural relationship gives us the opportunity to learn so much about other cultures! I love learning languages, and now I have a superb opportunity to learn Portuguese and actually practice it, so I’ll do it! With long distance, comes traveling, and we both like to see the world. It gives such a perfect excuse to travel actually. More precisely, we are a couple that is open to live about anywhere together. Isn’t it nice? We can fulfill our wanderlust together. We are incredible traveling partners which is an amazing thing!
How do you stay connected while you’re apart?
Skype, Skype, Skype, and WhatsApp. Skype is our main communication tool, we talk, watch videos, share videos, share our computer screens, etc… WhatsApp is our texting/phone device. It’s an application that you can use with internet. It is pretty useful since we can still call each other, send photos, send voice messages, and text each other without having a 200$ bill on your phone at the end of the month (it’s actually free).
We also use LokLok on our phone! LokLok is an application that allows you to draw, post a photo, or write on the lock screen of your significant other’s cellphone. This is pretty awesome if you think about it. Every time you are opening your cellphone you might have a cute message or photo! Surprises are the best to break the routine and keep the butterflies 🙂
Otherwise we have our Google accounts that allows us to send emails or transfer bigger files like movies, etc.
Since we are geek persons, we are playing online games on our cellphone and on our computer. Our favorite cellphone game is Ascension, and for our boardgame evenings, we are playing online on Boardgame Arena.
What helpful advice would you give to other LDR couples?
Be creative! Keep always searching for new things to do, new thrills! Keep trying your best because in the end this is worth it!
And if you are feeling down, listen to “ain’t not mountain high enough” and everything will be fine 😉